A friend's friend lost her husband unexpectedly while they were on vacation.
She is 51. He was 57.
You leave for a vacation together. You assume you're coming home together.
A few days later, I was on a call talking with someone about how to prepare family members for what they may eventually inherit.
Her niece and sister are not particularly interested in money or investing. But if something happened to her, they would suddenly be responsible for investments, real estate and more money than they have ever managed.
At one point we joked, “You’re dead. What difference does it make?”
Fair point.
But jokes aside, we were really trying to figure out how much they need to know now, what they should be able to handle themselves and where they may need help.
You cannot make someone interested in money. But you can make sure they are not figuring everything out for the first time when the responsibility becomes theirs.
This week: Which one sounds like you?
My spouse handles it → If your spouse handles most of it
I’m the one everyone relies on → How to prepare the people who will eventually step in
I’m doing this on my own → How to make sure the people you’re relying on know what to do
And for everyone:
The Binder → What to leave so someone knows where to start
Close one gap this week → A quick check of what you know, and what they know
UNDER THE HOOD
🔍 How “you handle it” becomes “I don’t know what to do”
A lot of couples become disconnected from their finances gradually. One person handles most of the money, while the other says some version of “I don’t want to know about this,” and after enough of those conversations, the person managing everything stops bringing it up.
Over 10, 20 or 30 years, “you handle it” can become “I don’t know where anything is,” and then “I don’t know what to do with any of it.”
It can happen differently outside a marriage. A parent may not share much with their children because of privacy, trust, control or simply assuming there will be time to explain it later.
UBS found that 83% of widowed women who took over the household finances after losing a spouse ran into some kind of challenge, from not knowing where all the money was to discovering financial surprises or an out-of-date will.
The week you lose your spouse is a terrible week to learn how your financial life works for the first time. The day you inherit investments is not a great time to start learning how any of it works.
FRAMEWORK
🤝Three ways to prepare for the handoff
If your spouse handles most of it
Maybe your spouse handles most of the investing, taxes, insurance, real estate or other financial decisions. You know some of what is going on, but you have never really wanted to get into the details.
Start by getting familiar with the big pieces. Know where the major accounts are, what you own and who the key people are.
Then, every so often, get involved in something real. Sit in on a meeting with the accountant or financial advisor. Ask why an investment decision is being made. Maybe pick one or two times a year to go through the big picture together.
You do not need to know everything. You just do not want all of it to be new to you if you suddenly have to take over.
If you’re the one everyone relies on
If you are the one who knows where everything is and how it works, start preparing the people who will eventually step in.
Talk about money and investments the same way you might talk about a recent trip, a TV show you are watching or something you are thinking about buying. Talk about why you invested, why you passed on something else, what return you expected and what worked and what didn’t.
In our home, we do this with our kids. Every so often, we have them look at a statement, whether it is a bank account, an investment account or a monthly P&L, and see what changed. Over time, they start noticing patterns, asking questions and getting more comfortable with the numbers.
And make sure they know the key people, your accountant, advisor, attorney or anyone else they may eventually need to call.
If you're doing this on your own
Maybe you do not have a spouse or children, or maybe they are not the people you would want handling your financial life.
That means you have to be even more intentional about who you are relying on. It may be a sibling, niece or nephew, close friend, trustee, advisor or attorney. They may not live with you or see how you handle things day to day, so do not assume they know what you are thinking or what role you expect them to play.
Tell them you are counting on them. Make sure they know where the important documents are, who the key people are and where they should start.
And have the other conversations too, about your will, healthcare directive, power of attorney and what you would want if you could not make decisions for yourself.
TOOL
🗂️ If something happens, start here
We started doing a version of this with our kids when they were young. They knew where our important binder was and had one job: if something happened to both of us, get the binder and give it to the adult who shows up to take care of you.
We also made sure those adults knew where it was. We showed them and sent photos so they knew exactly what they were looking for.
If I were updating our binder today, I’d add one page right at the front: “If something happens, start here.” Who to call first. What needs attention right away. What can wait. Who understands enough of the financial picture to help.
The binder can tell someone what exists and who to call. The conversations give them the context.
MINI ACTION
✅ Close one gap this week
Ask yourself three questions:
Do I know where everything is?
Do I understand enough of what’s there?
Would I know what to do next?
Then turn them around.
If someone had to take over what I manage tomorrow, could they answer those same questions? Do they even know they're the one who'd have to?
If one answer is no, close one gap this week. Find the documents. Make one introduction. Name the person you're relying on. Explain one account.
The assets may transfer automatically. The judgment behind them doesn't.