In a few weeks, millions of parents will watch their kids begin college or return to it. Some will be doing that for the first time. Others, like us, will be heading back for another year.
This week, I asked my daughter Simone one question:
“What do you wish we’d explained better about money before you started college?”
I expected her to lead with something big. Investing, maybe. She started with matcha.
What came out of our conversation was a list of small, everyday money decisions that don’t appear on a college checklist. Yet those decisions shape how confident students feel managing money once college begins.
So I'm splitting this into two parts. This week is about the money conversations to have before your student leaves. Next week, the hidden costs and legal paperwork families often miss.
This week:
THE REAL TALK
💬 What Simone wishes we had explained better about money
Simone ran into these situations throughout freshman year as she found her own footing with money. But they matter throughout college, when kids are still figuring out their own money philosophy. A little guidance from parents can go a long way.
1. “I wish I knew what normal looked like.”
“I wish I knew what a normal amount to spend every week actually was. How many times should I eat out? How many matchas are okay in a week? What’s a good price to pay for everyday things so I don’t end up overspending?”
We often tell our kids to be responsible with money, but we rarely define what that looks like. To one student, eating out twice a week feels excessive. To another, eating out every day feels normal.
She said, “I operate a lot better if I’m specifically told what I should be spending.”
That could sound as simple as:
“We think around $75 a week for coffee, meals with friends, and other extras is reasonable.”
Your number may be $50 or $150. The value is in giving them a reference point so they can make their own decisions inside it.
2. “You have to learn which people you can trust to pay you back.”
Money becomes social in college. Students split meals, share Uber rides, buy concert tickets, pick up groceries, and pay for one another throughout the week.
Every friend group handles it differently. Some people keep an informal tab. Some Venmo every transaction. Some never ask to be paid back until they're frustrated.
Simone said:
“Talk about how you’re supposed to ask your friends for money to pay you back without making things awkward. When do you let go of the money you spend on others? How do you remind them? Figure out what your rules are. Is it the kind of deal where it’s like, ‘You pay me this time and I’ll pay you next time’? Or is it that everyone always pays exactly what they owe?”
We had covered it, but not deeply enough to help her decide what felt fair before money got tangled up with friendships.
As she put it:
“I just feel like working toward a level of clarity before you actually leave is a good idea. Learning who you can trust to pay you back was one of the hardest things to figure out.”
3. "I wish I understood how the credit card bill worked."
This one is on me.
Before college, we opened her first checking account and credit card. We told her to pay the balance in full every month, but we never sat down and walked through an actual statement with her.
This summer, we’re sitting down with an actual statement and walking through the balance, due date, minimum payment, and interest together. Telling her to pay it off was not the same as teaching her how the bill worked.
4. “Everyone’s financial situation is very different.”
“Everyone’s financial situation is very different, especially at a school where they offer a lot of different financial aid plans. You kind of have to learn what works for you and what doesn’t when it comes to money.”
“You have to figure out even just talking about money in general, like what’s okay and what isn’t.”
College was also teaching her how to read the room around money. One person may suggest dinner or a weekend away. Another may be deciding whether they can afford groceries.
She was learning how to talk about money without making someone else feel small.
These are questions worth putting directly to your child: How do you suggest plans without assuming everyone can afford them? How do you decline without feeling embarrassed? How do you talk about money without sounding insensitive?
5. “I wish I knew more about investing.”
“Every guy I know pretty much has this fixation with money and becoming wealthy. I feel like boys as a whole are a little bit more financially aware. Some of my friends actively invest. One of my friends is a day trader, and he’s actually made a decent amount of money for himself.”
She also recognized the gap in her own experience.
Simone has had a brokerage account for several years, but she has not been actively involved in managing it. The account was open. Her confidence was still a work in progress.
Hearing her talk about the boys around her made me realize that we had given her access to investing without giving her enough practice making investment decisions. She wants to be more involved now, and we are going to work on this together.
“One thing I really want to do for myself is just have my own money, even if it’s just a little bit.”
Financial confidence starts forming early. The sooner girls begin researching investments, asking questions, and making decisions with real money, the sooner they begin to see themselves as investors. That affects whether they participate and how many years their money has to compound.
MINI ACTION
✅ Help Your Child Build Their Money Philosophy
Your college student has probably already earned, spent, saved, or managed some money. The conversation should look different depending on whether they are starting college or already have real experience to reflect on.
If they are starting freshman year
What money questions do you have before college starts?
Which expenses will we cover, which will you cover, and what should happen when something falls outside that agreement?
What weekly spending range should we start with, and when should we review whether it is realistic?
How do you want to handle splitting costs, paying friends back, and reminding someone who owes you money?
If you spend more than planned, how will you adjust before asking us for more money?
If they are an upperclassman
What money situations surprised you most last year?
Which expenses made college better, and which ones did you regret afterward?
Where did you spend more than you expected, and what would you handle differently this year?
What have you learned about splitting expenses, lending money, and getting paid back by friends?
Is there anything about what we pay for, what you pay for, or how money works that still feels unclear or unfair?
For either group, end by asking:
What is one money rule you want to try this semester?
It might be setting a weekly spending range, asking to be repaid within a few days, never carrying a credit card balance, or waiting 24 hours before making an unplanned purchase.
They are going to make mistakes. Let them. An overpriced weekend, an awkward Venmo conversation, or a purchase they regret can teach them something no lecture will.
This is only a starting point. Their money philosophy will take shape through the choices they make, the mistakes they recover from, and the conversations we are willing to keep having.